Why Nothing We Buy Actually Makes Us Happy
Is it true that you can't buy happiness? Not exactly.
What makes us happy in the long run?
🛍️ The Thing Trap
The happiness you get from buying things is just a short-term dopamine hit.
I used to think the next purchase would be the one that finally did it. I bought a Sony camera with a fancy lens for my YouTube videos, convinced better gear would make me a better creator. I haven't touched it in over a year. Then came the $300 teleprompter with a special monitor. Used it once. It's still sitting on my shelf.
Your baseline for 'awesome' adapts incredibly fast. That new notebook that made you excited for the first week? Within a month, it's just another abandoned system gathering dust.
Science Talk
Your brain is wired to normalize new things quickly through a process called hedonic adaptation. Anything that is exciting will quickly become the new normal.
This creates a continuous cycle of wanting, getting, and then wanting something else. We are trapped in the loop of dissatisfaction.
I found myself stuck in this toxic loop. Want something, buy it, feel good for a few weeks, then start wanting the next thing. Some upgrades actually helped, like my DJI Pocket Osmo 3 that made filming way more convenient. But I had to learn the difference between upgrading for actual convenience versus chasing some elusive quality boost that never really comes.
Everyone says "buy experiences, not things". It's society's newest mantra. But honestly? I don't think it's that simple.
🧳 The Experience Trap
Switching from buying goods to buying experiences doesn't solve the core problem if your mindset is the same. I was still trying to collect something, just digital trophies instead of physical ones.
What's happening is that the ego can turn an experience into a possession. It becomes a story you tell, a photo you post, an item on your "cool life" checklist.
The focus shifts from being present in the experience to what the experience says about you. "Look at me, I'm the kind of person who travels to Japan."
You're still outsourcing your sense of self-worth to something external. You're still looking for external validation. The experience becomes something you have, not something you lived.
I remember going to a school band concert, thinking I should enjoy these social experiences while in university. It was what my friends were doing. They were excited. I was cringing away and had to leave in under 10 minutes because it was so loud my ears hurt. I just wanted sound-blocking headphones and realized this really wasn't my scene. As an introvert, I kept forcing myself into extrovert-friendly experiences that drained me completely. I even joined cheerleading in university. Then quit before the first competition.
The experiences I actually enjoyed were workshops like calligraphy, speech and debate, yoga, and sewing. Things I had genuine interest in, not activities I did because everyone else was doing them or because it gave me social creds.
Because with experience, the goal isn't to rack up achievements for your "character sheet," it's about genuine presence and connection during the experience itself.
If you're just collecting experiences to post online or to build an identity, you're still playing the same game under a different cover. A cool experience you post about is still something you're using to feel better about yourself.
☺️ What Actually Works for Lasting Happiness
Real stable happiness doesn't come from getting anything. It comes from cultivating a state of being. I had to figure out what actually mattered to me, not what I thought should matter or what looked good to other people.
This isn't a quick fix. It's like taking on a hobby, learning to swim. You have to practice it consistently. Think of it as building a skill tree for your own mind.
The most straightforward way I found to do this inner work was meditation. Just sitting quietly and watching your thoughts. It feels weird and boring at first. Your mind will race and you'll want to quit. But a simple practice, even 5 minutes a day, starts to show you how your mind works. You don't need any apps (Headspace is good though) or special equipment. If sitting still drives you crazy, try some basic yoga videos on YouTube instead. Moving meditation is a thing.
✨ Us Against Consumerism
The whole system of chasing external stuff is designed to keep you unsatisfied. That's the point, so you keep buying. It's just like potato chips that are designed by food scientists, for you to crave the next bite and automatically finish the bag.
You literally can't win that game. The only winning move is to stop playing that game.
The only way out is to stop playing by rules others set for you and start figuring out what actually makes you feel fulfilled from the inside. Following the crowd isn't the answer, when the crowd is also struggling with depression and stress. If you're constantly looping back to being miserable, it is because you are blindly following another's someone else's blueprint for what life should look like instead of creating your own.
It is time to start to define your own happiness. Your happiness is your responsibility. Nobody else can define it for you.